I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
