Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
