I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
is wine microwaveable?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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