Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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