Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
