Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
