somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
