Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
