A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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