I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
