New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Randomize
