Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
