I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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