How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
