i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
