This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
