So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
