So drunk its hurt
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'd cum for enchiladas.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
