i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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