wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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