Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
