God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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