It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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