Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
