I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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