I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I enjoy the company of your penis
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
