Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
