Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
3pm strippers are depressing
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
