I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
