got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
