real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
