The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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