dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
