There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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