well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
