he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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