I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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