Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
