Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
