He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
