i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
