Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
