Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
