Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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