Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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