you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When did angry sex become our thing?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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