I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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