if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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