if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
