She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
