Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
